there has always been so many things i wanted to change about myself.  and my how many times i have tried, tried and failed tried and succeded in becoming a better person.  isnt that what we as human beings strive for? to be better, if not for ourselves, for someone else? 

well ive found myself here again, in the sanctuary or solace i endulge myself in, from time to time.  im here becaues i have to write what i should have said.  so i guess, here i go...

their once was a girl, who at the time unknowingly to me, somehow spark a light in my darkened heart, despite the cold and wind which gusted through the empty chambers of his heart, somewhere their was a warmth a feeling he hadnt felt in a long time,  something so foreign it scared him at first, but in time he grew to cherish.  a warmth of belonging, a feeling of companionship, most of all he had a reason to dream, a reason to live on, pick up his feet and trudge on through the cryptic corridors of fate's mysterious path.  and as he moved on he held that fire close to heart, wanting to protect it only to find out he could never do so, and as many things in his life turned out, he could not stop the inevitable failure on his behalf.  for a day came, when that fire which he cherish, well it began to fade, and he being the fool he always was,  lost hope for that moment, and that moment to long, he may have lost his light forever. 

he was afraid of going back, he was afraid to go back for it, what a fool he was, 

i would give anything to start all over again with that light and warmth at hand.  for when he had her,  he had a reason to be,  call it childish love, or call me a blind fool,  both i shall not deny.  but doesnt all fires start with a spark, and little warmth, and in time grow?.  if only i could rekindle that spark, make her understand, that even with everything that is against us, the miles and distance, the obsticles and the boundries that keep us apart, am i a fool to believe in what we both wished for?

"that one day, if fate have it...our paths will cross"

i still believe, i always will, even if she doesnt,  i cant not hope i cant not wish, and i cant not dream, that one day...

she can love me....

Some times it is best to give up, never to to try because all we try for is another failure.  Hmm...I think ill just keep everything to myself from now on.   People are just really,  well they just will never understand.  But most of all they just cant see,  and if their being blind is the cause of so many things,  maybe they'll see one day,  because you cannot see if you do not wish to.  you cannot learn if wish not to learn.  Most of all you cannot change, unless you want to change.

well ill keep this short and just make a private entry on my other blog. 

"It would be nice to have a foundation for the castle in the sky," (influenced by a book by walden)